Tuesday, August 11, 2015


Another year older, another day gone by. I am now 27. So so old. Kidding. I still feel like babe raising babies and sometimes still look around for the adult that should be raising my children. But this past Sunday was the big 2-7. Brian let me sleep in, I woke up around 8:30, walked out to to living room to immediately be serenaded with the Happy Birthday song. About half way through the song I felt the need to throw up, so a zofran was popped and back to bed I went. After another hour snooze, round two happened where I walked out to the living room, was serenaded, however this time did not feel like I was going to ralph on everyone and enjoyed a breakfast picked out by Harry which included donuts, bagels, and pancakes.

After a quick breakfast we made our way to uptown to walk around Lake of the Isles, of course making a stop at Starbucks to pick up a free birthday drink. And when it's your birthday, you go all out ordering a caramel frappaccino, only to 30 minutes later not be able to drink half of it and give the rest to your husband....

The first half of the walk we enjoyed watching all the paddle boarders, canoers, and kayakers. Harry was generous with his waves to the strangers walking by, and the iPad held Harry off for the first 20 minutes or so. The rice krispy bar bought us another 5 minutes of him in the stroller, however after that he was done. So out he came, the rest of the way around the lake running beside us, resting on nearly every park bench, and occasionally hopping in and out of the stroller to see his brother. Ollie was a peach as usual, and was happily content riding along the entire way.
The ride home Brian and I played the game "Do you think this baby will...... come before it's due date? Be as awful of a car rider as Harry was an infant and never let you stop at a red light without screaming? Be a girl?" To which our answers were yes, I pray no, and verdict is still out, although Harry is sure that he is getting a baby sister. Although he also thought Ollie was going to be a girl.

A last minute decision on the the car ride home was made to order Panera to go, and the decision couldn't have been better. This pregnancy soup has been my jam, and Panera's chicken wild rice soup never disappoints.

It was a late nap for the boys, both of them going down close to 2pm, which meant I also went down for a nap, only to not be able to get comfortable due to aching hips from long walks the previous few days.

The rest of the day was pretty low key. A quick run to Home Depot, DQ ice cream cake was devoured, and I spent a lot of the evening in bed reading and catching up miscellaneous things. A pregnant woman's dream.

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Baby #3

This morning we made the big social media announcement that baby Devane #3 is on its way! We couldn't be more thrilled, although one word that comes to mind when I think of this pregnancy is brutal. This third time around has been no walk in the park. More like a grueling uphill battle. We have wanted this baby for a little while now (I think I have  been ready since before Ollie turned 1) so while we are so so very thankful to be pregnant it has been tough.
Back in the middle of May Brian and I had the conversation that went something like this:

Britt: "I want another baby."

Brian: "I know." (He has only heard this 100 times recently)

Britt: "Well I have finally been at my job long enough to qualify for FMLA so what are we waiting for?"

And boom, two weeks later on June 1st I was holding a positive pregnancy test. It was a strange two weeks for me as we were not trying to get pregnant with Harrison, so there was no waiting around to take a pregnancy test. With the miscarriage again we were not trying so no waiting around. And with Ollie he was our little rainbow baby so we were trying under completely different circumstances. This was the first time that we had actually waited a few months to try having a baby, tried, and then have to endure the two week wait. I don't know how women do this month after month after negative tests. I got the teeniest, tiniest little glimpse of really wanting a baby, and not knowing if this would be our month. But God willing, it was our month, and in disbelief (because really how could we get this lucky and have babies so easily??) we are expecting our third little babe.

Back to Monday June 1st. The previous 5 days I had taken about 10 pregnancy tests. All negative. My sense of smell was incredibly strong. I just felt like I was pregnant. But with each negative test I felt like my body was betraying me with all these false symptoms, and I was entirely convinced this was not our month. And that was more than ok with me, knowing most people don't get pregnant the first go around.

However the night before the 1st as I was laying next to Brian in bed I couldn't help but blurt out "Brian, you kind of smell." To which Brian replied "Seriously, I just took a shower." To which I replied "I swear I am pregnant." Which warranted another pregnancy test in the morning. However this time through extremely squinted eyes holding the test up to the light, you could see the very faintest of 2 lines. That morning I left for work not convinced I was pregnant and that my eyes were just playing games on me, however that afternoon another test (do you think I have a problem??) showed two even darker lines. For the first time a huge smile took over my face, and just like the 3 times prior to this, I found myself staring into the mirror, 1 hand clasped over my mouth  1 hand clasped over my belly in disbelief that a little life was growing inside me.

That night when Brian got home, I couldn't help but have a foolish grin on my face to which Brian immediately wondered what was up. Apparently I am rarely giddy happy when he gets home from work. I handed him a small piece of paper with a teeny red pepper seed taped to it. And with a large grin on his face, he questioned me wondering what this was, to which I replied that this was the size of our newest growing baby. That night we talked into the dark about this babe, wondering if it was a boy or girl. The irony that we would have a baby with a due date of February 7th, while the other two boys due dates were February 4th and February 22nd. Would I be as sick with this baby? Would my belly be 3Xs bigger this time? Could it be twins?

The 4th and 5th week I felt tired, but with a demanding work schedule that seemed to be the norm regardless of being pregnant or not. Having a strong sense of smell while working on a medical/surgical floor of a hospital was proving to be troublesome, and I quickly learned the trick of throwing an alcohol swab in my mask before heading into particularly smelly rooms.

And then the 6th week hit me like a ton of bricks. Like a school bus. Like a train. Like the flu. I felt awful. Nausea and vomiting came full force, and exhaustion like I have never experienced. I found myself going to bed at 5pm, waking up at 9pm to get a something to eat, then going back to bed till 7 or 8 in the morning. Driving to work in the morning I felt as though I may fall asleep at the wheel, and doing anything other than laying on the couch seemed to be a Herculean feat.

Zorfan quickly became my best friend, again, even though I told myself if we ever were to be pregnant again I would avoid taking it. I tried everything ginger, unisom and vitamin b6, sea bands, peppermint, essential oils, you name it, I tried it, and nothing other then zofran was working.

By the 7th week as soon as my alarm went off in the morning and my feet touched the ground, I found myself running to the bathroom to throw up. This was particularly wonderful while Harry and Ollie chased me to the bathroom and wanted to watch what was going on.

And ever so slowly, thoughts started to creep into my head that once again I was going to miscarry. That I would never actually meet this babe. And that all of this was for nothing. What started out as slow whispers, turned into loud all consuming thoughts. The sooner that I crept up to the 9th week, the more vividly the memories of miscarrying our baby at 9 weeks came to the front of my mind. Despite having every symptom in the book, I wasn't convinced there wasn't a little beating heart. My mantra had been "Daily, hourly, God I give this baby and this anxiety to you." However the fear of losing this little one had become deafening, and after a few quick text messages with my midwife, she was able to squeeze me in for a same day appointment and ultrasound.

I found myself crying in my midwife's office saying "I don't know why I am so anxious about this baby. I am not an overly anxious person, so it's driving me even more nuts that I just can't seem to give this over to God and trust Him and His plans. If I miscarried, I know it would be ok, I have been through it before and came out on the other side ok." And then just a few minutes later, I found myself crying for an entirely different reason. There on the incredibly grainy ultrasound screen, we could see the littlest flickering heartbeat. For the first time in weeks I felt like I could breath, and tears of relief and joy flooded down my cheeks. This baby finally started to feel real and the reality that in February we may actually be holding a newborn started to set in.

The nausea and vomiting continued, the crippling fatigue continued on. In the 9th/10th week I called in sick to work 3 different times because I just didn't have the strength to get out of bed, nor keep anything other then crackers down. My new routine became wake up, throw up, take a zofran, and go back to bed till it could kick in.

Our poor children have had quiet an uneventful summer due to me lacking energy to do anything besides the simple survival tasks. We have lived off of mac n cheese, pizza, and food from the Life Cafe at Lifetime. Only just recently, have I found the energy to stay up past about 8:30pm, and there have been a handful of days that I haven't needed to to zofran. With the boys I snapped out of this funk around 14/15 weeks, so I am hoping that brighter days are right around the corner. Hopefully days that will involve me cooking again (which I have taken a 3 month hiatus from) will soon resume, and the bliss of the 2nd trimester will begin.

My not so little 14 week baby bump is a little out of control. I'm fairly certain I was not this large with either boy till about 20 weeks, but I guess my uterus has some good muscle memory and knows what it is doing extra early this time around.

Monday, July 13, 2015

Visit From the Dolan's

My good friend Andrea recently moved from Oregon to Wisconsin, and on their long drive to their new home her family made a pit stop at our house for the night. It was so good to meet her youngest son Ben, who last time I saw Andrea was in utero. We are so thrilled to have them only 5 hours away verses 25 like they have been the last fest years!

Tuesday, July 7, 2015


A couple weeks ago I had the joy (and exhausting) pleasure of having all 4 boy cousins for most of the day. We played baseball and promptly lost the ball in the tree, pretended to drive my car (I can't even tell you how many times the horn was honked, I apologize neighbors), ate lots of chicken nuggets and ended with a good old fashion water fight. To say I slept well that night was an understatement, but it was fun to have all 4 rowdy boys at once!

Friday, July 3, 2015

Weekend Up North

Earlier in June we took a long weekend away and made it up to my parents house for a few days. It was a great time full of boating, relaxing, Brian getting on a horse for his first time ever, eating delicous food including ice cream, making cookies with grandma, Harry catching his first fish, and spending quality time together. If only ever weekend of the summer could be this good!

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

A Brief Spring Update: Harry (3 years) Ollie (15 months)

Today I had Ollie's 15 month appointment, and while sitting in the pediatrician's office chatting it up with the doctor, it gently hit me that we are at such a sweet spot with our boys right now.
Harry is old enough to have conversations with and he understands he can't runaway in parking lots. He is always wanting to be a helper, and instead of just being a "helper" he actually is help most of the time. He can open doors, shut doors, put on his shoes and clothes, retrieve items from other rooms, and be left alone in the next room without the fear of him completely destroying things. He is constantly looking out for his little brother. And is observant of all things. He asks a million questions a day, constantly wanting to learn more. He knows the days of the week, and wants to know whose birthday is in each month. My little 3 year old is growing up and I could just nuzzle my head in his dirty sweaty neck all day, taking in the smells of this little boy.

And Ollie. Sweetie pie Ollie. Still content as ever, only just learning how to walk in the last couple of weeks. He is busy watching the world go by aka his brother running to and fro. If Harry is busy, Ollie is right at his side trying to do all things big brother does. He is just learning that he too has a voice but usually it only comes out when he is hungry, or when he is trying to take a toy away from Harry. If it were up to him he would live off of bread and milk, but is just starting to slowly venture out to new foods. He is a momma's boy and loves to sit on my lap, but never longer then a few seconds at a time. The only time he is really still, is when I feed him a bottle before bed, almost always dozing off in my arms just a few ounces in. He continues to be my redeeming child. The one who silently encourages me that I'm not doing so bad as a mom, and that we've got things under control, for at least the time being.

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